


Comfort

by hernamewasalice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Parents, Angst, Breast Fucking, Breastfeeding, Consensual Sex, F/M, Family Fluff, Feels, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Lactation Kink, Married Couple, Married Life, Shameless Smut, Slice of Life, Smut, er somewhat canon in my head, established character development, i wish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 06:10:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hernamewasalice/pseuds/hernamewasalice
Summary: In which the war is over and Rey and Ben are happily married and have a baby together. In which the baby is away with Grandma Leia for a week and Rey is filled with milk. (Shameless Two/possible three Part Smut)





	Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> The name of the child I also used it from a previous fic, Visitation Hours. This is not a sequel. It's just another Au and the author just really likes the name Benji and think it's perfect for the reylo baby.
> 
> Ps. I'm sorry for I have sinned and also I'm surprised I haven't done a lactation fic for these two yet.  
> Ps. This fic has established character development that will be explored more.

Rey didn't eat much. It surprised her since there was more food available in abundance and yet her appetite remained constant. She didn't eat much and neither did her baby. That worried her because her body produced more milk than her baby could drink. At the end of every day, Rey had to pump the rest of the unused milk and store it in the freezer. It wasn't much of a problem since there were days where Rey couldn't be with her baby and the frozen milk came in use. The scavenger in her always worried about survival and so she was relieved that there was back up food if there was ever another war.

Today was one of those days. Well there wasn't a new uprising, it was just a loving grandmother wanting her grandson for the week.

This was the first time Rey was ever away from the baby for more than a few days. She was adamant to but since her one year anniversary fell between the time slot, it was about time to try.

"Rey, it's actually good for you and Benji to be separated from each other from time to time," Leia reminded her daughter in law. Leia held her grandson closely as she watched the nervous parents frantically packing the baby's bag. Packing was an understatement. The two were over packing. Rey was stuffing weeks worth of milk and clothes while Ben was stuffing all sorts of medicine and toys in the other compartment of the bag. "It's only natural."

"Look what it done to me," Ben scoffed as he stuffed emergency formula powder in another compartment.

Leia rolled her eyes but let it slide. "Don't you two think that you guys are over packing? The baby's only going to be gone for a week, not months." The bag was filled to the brim.

"We should get another bag," Rey said to Ben.

Ben nodded and rushed to the baby's room.

Leia stopped her son with just one hand in the air. "One bag is enough," Leia emphasized as she rocked her grandbaby. "And anyways I'm doing you two a favor. Your anniversary is coming up. You guys should have a romantic getaway."

Ben and Rey looked at each other indifferently.

Leia rolled her eyes and sighed. "What's wrong with you two? You guys should be happy, _thrilled_ that you'll have time alone." She tilted her head and stared at her grandson. It's alarming how much the baby looked like Ben from the tuffs of dark curls to elongated features. Well, almost. Benji had Rey's small slender nose and reasonable appetite and Leia was quite relieved. Ben was a heavy baby who constantly was hungry - so often that Leia couldn't produce milk and ended up feeding him with powdered formula during the whole first year.

"Either way we won't be relaxing. Rey and I still have work." Even though the war was over, they had responsibilities. Rey was a master now and was training four pupils of her own while Ben was a general since Leia had retired. They rotated their hours so there would always be someone watching the baby. At most they saw each other was three nights out of seven. It was even more for them to have a whole day together. And on the days someone watched their baby, Rey and Ben would knock out and sleep the whole day.

"The baby's only a few months old - I don't want to be away from him."

Leia bit her lip. This was bad. Not having time for each other was the first thing that happened her and Han - the first catalyst to their strained marriage. She examined the wary couple and wondered where had all the passion went. "You can always call out and have someone take over for a day. You guys need a week without smothering and doting over my grandson," Leia said flatly with a tiny smirk. "Hell, my grandson needs the vacation."

* * *

Ben and Rey kissed and hugged their baby a million times before finally allowing Leia to leave the house. Leia was hoping to leave within an hour but ended up leaving in three hours due to Rey's doubt and Ben's need to check the items multiple times and running over the rules.

When they are finally alone it feels off.

It feels like a piece of them was missing.

"It's only for a week," Ben assured her, reaching for his wife's hand.

Rey tried to smile but she couldn't. Her heart ached. "I know I'm just being overprotective but -

"I know," Ben squeezed her hand. "I feel the same way too." Before they got married, they agreed to never have children. They believed that having a child would complicate things especially with Ben's past and with Rey's fear of taking care of a small life. But life never worked in anyone's favor for two months after their wedding, she found herself pregnant. She had an injection to prevent her from getting pregnant but during their first month of marriage, she had miscalculated her days for her next injection. They could have aborted the baby but they didn't have the heart to for they felt it was fate.

Don't get them wrong, they loved their child but they're so afraid of ruining their child's life. The last thing they wanted was to lose their child. For a bringing a child into the world was a huge responsibility, something that they had no knowledge of.

Ben leaned and kissed her cheek. "Well our anniversary is coming up. We'll set aside a day for that. We'll do anything you want - is there anything you have in mind?"

"No."

He blinked. "Certainly you must have something in mind."

"No," she shook her head, not even giving herself time to ponder. She wasn't really into things like that, hell she wanted a private wedding of ten people and not a couple hundred.

"Do you want to go away to a different planet? We can go to a nice planet that's lush and green and warm."

"Not really."

"Well how about a cold one then? We can go see snow."

"I don't want to be cold."

Ben bit his lip and sighed. "You're being stubborn again."

"I'm not," she scowled.

Ben laughed and kissed the temple of her cheek. He liked seeing her pout, seeing her face scrunch up. "It's alright. You're just a distraught mother." He paused and realized then that maybe she wasn't upset about being separated from the baby. She was upset that she was unable to partake in normal rituals and feel common attachments and feelings. He remembers Rey being thrilled when he proposed to her but he also remembers her being depressed with the wedding. Rey as much as she cherished and cared for everyone, she struggled to share her vulnerability. It never frightened Rey when they were intimate, not even from the beginning. What frightened her was the question of permanence and love. "I tell you what, it's going to be a surprise."

"Fair enough."

* * *

The feeling of emptiness dragged on and it grew stronger when night came. For the space in between the bed was vacant, the space that belonged to their baby. Rey laid herself along the edge out of routine. "Rey, we don't have to sleep on the edges tonight or for the rest of the week." She was so used to sleeping on the edge and being a wall, a layer of protection of her baby that she doesn't notice.

She stayed there, her eyes locked to the vacant space. "This is when I feed the baby," she whispered.

Ben frowned. He moved closer and pulled her to his chest.

But this doesn't comfort her. "And during this time you would watch. You would both hold us as I fed the baby. You would tell stories to Benji and say that you love the both of us."

"You're not abandoning him, Rey," he reminded her. "He's in safe hands. I love you."

She tilted her chin to meet his gaze and smiled at him. "I love you too."

Ben stroked her hair until she was fast asleep. He counts for a few minutes and then he falls asleep as well.

He goes until a deep slumber until he feels a warm liquid soaking through his clothes. He uses the force to turn the lights on and searches for what was dripping. Rey was holding him tight. Carefully he pulled away and found milk trickling through her clothes and onto his. He unlatched himself from her and grabs the breast pump, a cloth, and two bottles.

He crawls back to the bed and gently nudges her. "Rey," he calls out for her. "Rey."

She opened her eyes and yawned. "What's wrong?"

"You're leaking," he said as he handed her the items.

"Really?" she immediately sat up - milk was trickling down her stomach. She groaned. "Fuck - shit!" This was her favorite shirt too. "This is going to be hell." Her body was used to feeding Benji's night feedings. How was this supposed to be a vacation? She still had to wake herself three times in the middle of the night and the worst part is she had to store even more milk now since Benji was away with Grandma Leia.

"It's alright, it's just milk."

"Easy for you!" she snapped. "Your breasts aren't in frequent pain or being oogled at by strangers." She pulled her shirt down and latched the pumps to her breasts. Rey sighed. She missed her small breasts. Ever since the baby, she grew two cup sizes. It was horrible, they slowed and weighed her down.

He lets the comment slide and instead began massaging her back, kneading away the knots as she pumped.

"I'm sorry," she frowned. "I'm just tired and sad."

"I know." He continued to massage her and left scattered kisses. "It's okay, Rey. I miss it when you yell at me."

A blush rose to her cheeks. When was the last time he made her blush? She doesn't even remember. Everything was all hazy after she had Benji. "You're the only person I know that enjoys being in a fight."

"I like seeing you riled up. Always did."

The blush deepened. She remembers it, she remembers it well. When they were enemies, now and then whenever they fought he was aroused. Whenever she pushed and shoved and hit him, his eyes darkened and yearned. But she knows that it's not normal but in their world it was for Ben he associated fighting with love from the years of watching his parents.

Pumping takes twice as a long since their baby wasn't here to drink half. Ben was patient and supportive however. He remained awake with her, kept rubbing her back and easing her body. She unlatches herself from the pump the second the milk stopped.

He grabbed the bottles and closed it tightly. "You pumped a lot," he commented. "You usually fill half the bottles." The bottles were filled to the top.

Rey didn't say anything and instead collapsed on to the bed.

He puts the milk in the freezer and returned to find her half asleep. Remnants of the liquid were spilling from her nipples and dripping on to her skin and sheets.

He sighed. "Rey, you have to put on the oil. You don't want your nipples to bleed again do you?"

"No," she kept her eyes closed. "Can you do it for me? I'm tired."

Ben sighed but he knew it was better do it for her than to let her skin become dry and irritated.

He snatched the cloth and wiped her skin first -

She winced.

"I'm sorry. I'll be gentler."

"It's okay, it's just my breasts are really sensitive since I pumped a lot. The breast pump takes all the moisture and the life out of you."

He lightly dabs the cloth and dips his bare fingers in the oil and applied it in strokes on to her sensitive nipples. Her nipples were still thick and long but at least her breasts weren't full anymore. He dipped his fingers in cream then and swirled it all around her nipples, restoring moisture to her worn out tits. Rey tensed up a bit, squirmed at the slimy mucky texture reaching contact with her. He bent down and blew on her nipples to counteract the temperature. He tugs on them a bit, making sure everything was covered. Liquids spills a bit on his fingers but quickly wipes them off on his pants.

She lets out a sigh in relief.

Ben smiled and pulled her shirt up to cover her. "You feel better?"

"Yes. Thank you."

The second he laid down, she moved closer and rested her head on his chest.

They slept, enjoying every second before the next few hours came when she'll be full again.

* * *

Rey was getting stir crazy. It's only been three days but she missed her son. She felt as if she had abandoned him and left him to be on his own for the rest of his life, just like what her parents did to her. Rey knew that this wasn't true and that he was only away because his grandmother loved him. She could barely sleep too. Her body was still producing milk regularly and so she had to wake herself up at night whenever she felt full. Whenever she wasn't pumping, she was biting at her fingernails, wondering if her son was fine.

Of course he's fine, she knew that but still.

She loved Leia but Rey still had a hard time in trusting people and relying on them.

The only person she did trust was her husband and he had to win for her trust. They didn't get married until she was nineteen, a year after the war because she insisted they took their time. She was twenty now. She was older but she still felt like the little girl trapped on a desolate planet.

She still feels eighteen. She still feels as if she's waiting for someone to take her away from her pain.

She capped off the two bottles of milk and stored them away into the freezer compartment. She wrapped her breasts and slipped on new pads and then pulled her shirt on along with fastening the wraps. She exhaled but forced herself to stand and made way outside to her students.

Her students - two female and two male, had finished eating a while ago and were patiently waiting for her.

"Thank you for the wait," she said, her cheeks becoming red. Even though breastfeeding was natural, she was embarrassed about it. She did her best about keeping it private but they all knew whenever Rey decided for them to take breaks.

"It's not a problem," they all say in unison. Her students ranged from ages nine to eleven but they gave her the upmost respect. They were like her, came from a similar upbringing. They all come from low status and two of them had to support their sick parents/grandparents.

After the end of every session, Rey would each give them a package of food and supplies to bring for their families. The food always changes, she wanted to give variety and also quality. So instead of traveler's food or dehydrated packets, she gave them fresh food, a luxury. The supplies changed as well depending on what her students wrote down on the board on what they needed but couldn't afford. One day she got blankets for Sarai, the nine year old apprentice and the other day she got bandages and medicine for Theo for his town had a shortage.

It wasn't much it was a small package for she knew after the sessions, they had to rush to work and Rey didn't want the package to weigh down their bags. She kept them light and reasonable for she also knew that they shouldn't depend on her as income.

Having that much responsibility at a young age wasn't the life Rey wanted for any child, let alone her own.

Some days, when her pupils were good she would gives them gifts like books, candy, or toys.

Her students were still young and they needed some time to be a child.

She dismisses their session early so they have some time to relax and also for her to have some time to search for a present for her Ben.

Ben was picky and he didn't yearn for things. He had a privileged childhood, had anything his heart desired and because of that he desired nothing. Even as a child, he didn't ask for much.

After a few hours of roaming through markets she settles for a nice assortment of books. Ben loved to read, reads anything that had words. She bought five books, two that she knew he would like and three that she felt he should try. She bought some paper and ribbon and wrapped the books in that. She stuffed the gift in her bag and made her way towards home.

When she arrived home, she found him waiting for her. He was sitting on the couch reading a book but the second he sensed her, he went to her. "How was your day?" he asked as he kissed her cheek.

"It was fine."

"You're early."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"Well it'll give us some time to relax before you have to go to work." In two hours he would have to go to a few planets and meet up with the generals and rulers.

"They canceled it. It's going to be at tomorrow."

"Oh." Rey clutched her bag protectively. She knew she had to put milk back into the freezer before it thawed completely but her present was in there and she didn't want him to see. "This place is spotless," she realized then.

He shrugged. "I was bored." There was no baby to take care of, no baby to fill the day before work.

"But you cleaned yesterday though -

"Yeah that's why I thoroughly cleaned today," he corrected her. "I cleaned the floors, cleaned underneath every piece of furniture, and I assorted our clothes."

"Did you run today?"

"Yes. And I lifted weights for two hours too."

Rey sometimes forgets how orderly and diligent Ben is.

"That's good."

She went to the fridge and opened her bag slightly to immediately store the milk. She was about to open to the fridge to fix them something when she noticed there was something boiling on the stove.

"Ben!" she mumbled. "You beat me to it! What am I supposed to do now?" He already cleaned and was cooking dinner. She could tend to their garden and field but he already did that yesterday before he had work.

"You can always relax," he stated dryly. He was following behind her intently, like a gnat. He was bored. Restless.

"How's relaxing going for you?" she asked.

"I'm miserable."

"Same," she sighed.

They were used to having a full schedule. They were used to being with their baby.

"Are you hungry?" he asked as he turned off the stove.

"Not really. I'll eat later. You?"

"Same," it was his turn to sigh. "Let me put your bag away and sort through -

Shit. "NO!"

He blinked.

"It's nothing," she immediately said. "I just want to do it myself," she cleared her throat, painting a smile. "You should relax on your day off." She ran and took the present and hid it in the closet, behind her old pregnancy clothes.

She goes back to him. He was on the couch but he wasn't reading. Instead he was just sitting there, staring at nothing. "We can go out for a walk and go by the water," she offered.

"We did that twice in the last three days already."

"Oh. Um," she bit her lip. "We can visit Finn or Rose -

"They're vacationing, remember."

"How about Poe?"

"He's away for his cousin's wedding."

"Phasma? Hux?"

"Who the hell wants to hang out with them?"

Fuck. What the hell were they supposed to do now? Rey wanted to visit her baby but Leia didn't make that an option. "Well do you want to have sex?"

He turned and looked at her in confusion.

Her face became red in embarrassment.

"Well what else is there?" It was funny because before the baby he couldn't keep his hands off of her. And now look at them, they're almost married for a year and they're acting like an old married couple. "We haven't had sex since the baby was born." And their baby was only three months old too.

Ben shook his head at her in doubt. "No, that's not true. We had sex recently."

She bit her lip and crossed her arms. "Really? When?"

He thought hard for a long time. His eyebrows knitted in a furrow and he thought hard, pressing a finger along his chin. Anytime they had some time alone from the baby they would make out for a bit - sometimes he'll play with her breasts and clit and sometimes she'll suck him off but after that they spent most of their free time sleeping. "Shit. We hadn't have sex since the baby was born."

"Exactly." Rey couldn't help but frown. Where had the fire gone? They used to have sex twice a day after the war ended, once in the morning and once in the night. Hell, sometimes three times if they were in the mood to visit the other at work and have a quick session.

He scooped her in his arms then. "Let's make up for lost time."

"We can just do it here," she said. "There's no one around."

He gave her a dumbfounded look. "I just cleaned the floors today, Rey."

She laughed and shook her head. "Yes but it'll give us something to do tomorrow. Come on, no one's here."

"But it wouldn't comfortable for you -

"I'll be fine," she insisted.

He ignored her and carried her off to their room.

"My comfort never worried you before," she mumbled as he placed her on their bed.

"Things are different." And they had been different since he confessed his love for her and left the Order for her. And things became drastically different once they settled down and she became pregnant. Sex between them had changed. It wasn't as passionate and she knew why. He sees her differently and had been for a year. She wasn't the girl he coveted and lusted after anymore. She wasn't the girl that he couldn't have anymore. She was the mother of his child.

He doesn't see her body the same way either.

She knows this by how slowly he was taking her clothes off. He seems adamant, hesitant. He's very careful with her, something he wasn't when they first started being physical with one another. He doesn't see her body as a form of pleasure anymore, he saw her body as a mother's body. A body that was made to create and grow.

Her body wasn't sexual to him anymore. He had been desensitized since he witnessed his child being born and seeing her routinely be shirtless to feed their child.

But she knows he loves her. He love her immensely, cherishes every second with her still. Those feelings aren't as intense as it once was when he couldn't have her but his love was still there. She knows because he's kissing her softly as he pulled at her clothes.

Once he unraveled her bindings, he stroked her stomach and ghosted over the scars that their child had left on her.

Rey had more scars, plenty before being pregnant but the stretch marks and scars she had gotten from her pregnancy were his favorite. "You don't fawn over the first scar you gave me, why?" she asked. The first scar he gave her was when he first fought her and she gave one to match except his was laced along his face.

"Because these scars are positive. They came from love. There's no reason for you to be ashamed of them."

Rey shifted slightly. She was healthy, at a healthy weight but she was still self conscious about it. She lost most of the baby weight but her waist wasn't as small as it once was. She was up three dress sizes now, but her body was toned and more muscular due to her physical routine and training her pupils. She was still slim and skinny but it wasn't the same. She had more mass to her. She missed the feeling of the lining of ribs poking her skin. It was harder to find clothes that looked nice on her now for she had more shape and form. She missed when she had little curves that draped any clothing nicely.

"You're body's going to constantly change, just like mine. It's a part of life. The only thing we can do is stay active and eat right," he said as he lingered in her mind.

She blushed then. It had been a long time since he had been there - inside her mind. He used to do it so often when he was the monster in the mask chasing after her.

"But no matter what. No matter how you look, you're beautiful."

His words settle well with her. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and pulls herself up like this in order to kiss him. She pressed her lips gently on his and then lets herself into his mouth. He lets her in. He nibbled the inner edges of her lips as she ran her tongue along his.

Rey and Ben weren't like the other couples.

They came from unfavorable lives, came from lonely childhoods, and came to be from unconventional factors.

For they found kissing one another to be the most intimate physical activity to do.

They rarely kissed each other. On the cheeks? Yes. But on the mouth? Rarely.

They kissed each other on the mouth for special occasions and for when they felt love for each other.

He breaks the kiss to take off his clothes.

She doesn't know but it makes her think of the their second time together.

_The second time they did it, was something. Their first time was unplanned. He had came to her room to attack her but somehow through all the struggling from his grasp and all the wrestling for control, they ended sleeping with each other. The first time was in the heat of the moment, completely accidental while the second time...it was something else._

_For he came back two weeks after with the intention to._

_She was asleep but the second she sensed him, she sat up in her bed. Instead of moving, she froze and stared at the monster standing at the of her bed. He was dressed in all black, his mask hiding away any emotion and ounce of humanity left he had. She entered his mind, forced herself in and searches for his intention._

_He lets her in, lets her probe his mind._

**_I'm not here to kill you,_ ** _he thought to her._

_**I don't think you're able to,** she responded back, allowing him to explore her mind as well. **Why are you here?** She asked to him instead of asking herself this; why didn't she do anything? Why didn't she attack him? Why wasn't she horrified and consumed with guilt for sleeping with him? She was ashamed no doubt about it but yet she yearned to know more about the man that took her. The man that took occupation in being her first - the man that took off his mask and laid his face on the crook of her neck for closeness as he took her. It was odd - this - him. He was her first time and yet she didn't even have a first kiss yet. He didn't kiss her at all when he slept with her. Nothing, no kiss on the cheek. No kiss on the forehead. The closest form of kissing was when he rested his face on her neck._

**_You're fascinated with me the way I'm fascinated with you,_ ** _he responded._

_A blush rose to her cheeks._

**_I desire you, are you aware of that?_ **

**_Yes._ ** _She shouldn't have thought that for he takes it as permission to be on her bed. He crawled to her, crawled closer._

**_You're weakness. I've slept with many women before you and many after you and yet I feel nothing -_ **

**_But with me?_ **

_There was a pause. Hesitance. **You**_ _**consume my thoughts. Plague them like the desert rat spreading diseases to the villagers. And that's what you are. A rat, a filthy pitiful rat.** _

_**Kyl-** _

_**You are not allowed to say my name. You're not allowed to even think of it. You don't deserve to address my name the same way you don't deserve to be addressed as if you have any significance. You are nothing.** _

_Rey doesn't believe this, this lie he was telling her. She knew felt the opposite towards her. She had been in his mind during their first time, she had seen his fantasies, his deepest desires and they were all of her. He feels sentiment towards her for she knew because of one fantasy, he's giving her gifts - courtship gifts. **Then why are you here?**_

_**To show that I don't care about you. That you are disposable.** _

_**Are you proving that to me? Your master? Or yourself? Or maybe all of the above?** Her thoughts are like fire, burning at him, tempting him. She's not affected by the lies he was telling her. _

**_I'm proving to you. You are nothing. You are not meant to be loved by anyone. What happened was for my physical pleasure and nothing more._ **

_He was close to her that she's able to see her reflection on his mask. **Then prove it to me.** She parted her legs then._

_He doesn't say anything._

**_Don't act like you didn't come here for this. I read your thoughts the second you stepped foot tonight. You're not here to show who's in control. You're not here for asserting your dominance. You're here because you're lonely and you desire to feel whole with someone who's just as lonely as you._ **

_She reaches to touch his mask but he pushes her fingers away. He pushed her to the bed and pinned her by her wrists._

**_I'm not afraid of you. You're just a little boy in men's clothing._ ** _Rey spat out. **Prove to me that you don't want me.**_

_She hears him heaving, steaming through the mask. She had provoked him but she didn't care. There was still good in him, and she was drawn to that - the power she had over him._

_"You're afraid," she whispered to the mouth of his mask, says it to world. Her eyes lowered and fluttered slowly, bringing the monster out even more. "You're afraid that maybe for once in your life you feel something for someone. You say you want to prove it to me but you're not. You're waiting for my permission."_

_"Would it satisfy you if I just take you without your consent?"_

_"Your question doesn't apply for you want my consent. Well go on, you have it now. Do whatever you want."_

_She laid there motionless as he tore her clothes opened. He had her hands above her head as a gloved hand was fingering her, encouraging her body to become moist and slick for him. "You're doing this because you don't want to hurt me," her voice is like poison. He was fully clothed while she was naked underneath him. His mask is on this time, shielding her from any hint of emotion._

_"I'm doing this for my pleasure," he sank his fingers into her._

_She winced but still it doesn't put her down. "How are you being pleasured when you are fully clothed and gloved? You can't feel anything. You can't feel my skin, you can't feel the heat you're creating or the wetness you're drawing out." She had a sharp tongue ever since she was a child._

_"I don't want my skin to reach contact with yours."_

_She laughed coldly. "And yet you want to stick yourself inside of me?"_

_He shoved himself out of spite. He shoves his entire length. Rey winced from the pain. He moved himself inside of her, thrusting in and out to elicit pleasure for himself. She hears him groan, hears a satisfy sigh through the bulky mask. His gloved hand squeezed her hands tight from moving while the other cupped her breast._ _He was pounding into her, slamming her body against the bed boards._

_It felt good._

_As much as she hated to admit it, she liked it. She liked the weight of his body crushing her. She liked his length in her, moving along her walls as he pulsated - creating a space for himself in her. She loved the heat of his dick, she loved the way their bodies reacted with one another. She was soaping wet and he was dripping in her, preparing to fill her to the brim. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulls him deeper inside._

_Kylo moaned louder this time, unable to suppress it._

**_You're so filthy. You're no better than a whore, having sex with your enemy,_ ** _he thought out._

 **_I feel the same about you too, dear._ ** _She flashed him a wicked smile. She doesn't believe him at all. Those were lies, empty threats. He's just like an animal, asserting his dominance over his object of interest._

_She touched the side of his mask, for him to meet her gaze. But he shakes her affections away and pins her hands back in place. "You don't deserve to touch me so," he whispered coldly. "You don't deserve to have affection," he said as he pounded into her harder. Her hand slipped away and tried to take off his mask but it's locked in place. She tries to reach to the buttons but he gripped her wrist to be still. Rey shook her head. "You don't deserve to be kissed or be held."_

_**No this isn't true. You're lying**. She searches his thoughts - searches for the pushed aside feelings but she can't find them - they're so far away that it's unreachable for her to hold on to. "You're nothing," he words drew out like daggers. _

_And she believes it. She is nothing. She is just thing for him to relieve himself._

_Hot tears spilled from her eyes. She started to cry and just like that he pulls out. She rolled herself on to her side and cried quietly into her pillow._

_He doesn't say anything._

_She hears him adjusting his clothes and then, he leaves._

_Rey clutched on to her pillow and cried harder._

Hot tears spilled out of her eyes, trickling down her throat.

"I'm sorry," Ben breathes, reaching to pet her hair. He sees it, that memory. It lingered even after all they had been through. It remained even though he had spared her and she had spared him. It remained even though he admitted his true desires and love for her. It stayed even though she had brought him out of the dark. It stayed even though he had saved his mother from dying and treated her. It stayed even though he saved hundreds of Resistance members from a bombing. No good dead could ever erase his past. "I'm sorry I was ever that cruel to you."

She pulls him closer to her, pulls him so he was over her body. Crushing her.

"I'm fine," she assured him.

"Then why do you think of it every now and then?"

"It's a part of us," she whispered. She squirmed as he frantically wiped her tears and laid kisses all over her. She is comforted by the sight of his distress, by his strong hands touching her tenderly. "Those memories can't be erased. Can never be erased."

"I wish it didn't haunt me. I never wanted to hurt you so but I had to. I was ordered to break you down, let you suffer before I ended your life. I couldn't be attached to you, not anyone."

"I know." She pushes aside those thoughts and kisses, trying to get his mind to focus on something else. "I want you inside," she whispered onto his skin.

"Rey -

"Ben."

He takes his time. He kisses her first, kisses her very slowly as he rubbed her shoulder.

"I wanted to kiss you so much during those first two times - do you know that?"

"Yes," her heart skipped a beat. The second time they done it she sensed his turmoil. She remembers him groping her roughly attempting to feel her but he couldn't with the thick layer of gloves he had on. That's why she wanted to take off his mask. She wanted to see his turmoil just like the first time - she wanted to see the pain she had stirred in him.

The first time - he ached to kiss her - to hold her but he didn't. He was afraid of getting attached. He was afraid and so he didn't kiss her at all. "I wanted to but I couldn't show you any affection because I knew it would make those feelings grow." _He had settled for resting his face on her neck, settled for the closest form of affection and love. She remembers it clearly, remembers those eyes stare at her wide as his mouth twitched and his body trembled. Sweat trickled from his skin as he resisted his urge to ever show her fondness._ That's why their first time he didn't. He settled rubbing his hands all over her as he fucked her - it was the closest form of affection he could show to her during that time.

"I should have kissed you then," he sighed as he entered her. "I could have been your first everything."

He was her first time but another man was her first kiss. She had a met a man in the Resistance after their second time and after a month the man had kissed her.

That killed him. It drove him mad to know that even though he had her underneath him, he was unable to kiss her. And that someone else did - and could.

"Why does that bother you so?"

"Because I know now and then you look at the memory in fondness."

"It means nothing it's just a memory of innocent youth," she said. She isn't ashamed that she does recall to the memory. "You are my husband, Ben. You are the father of my child. That memory has no other significance but my first experience." She winced as he felt her move in her. It had been a while and she was tight.

"He could have been your husband if my jealousy wasn't so strong."

"You mean your possessiveness?" She rolled her hips, allowing him to ease the pressure that was built in between them.

He said nothing.

"And that's unlikely," she said as a matter of fact. "It was just puppy love, Ben." It astonishes her that even through all this time he still hadn't let it go that another man showed affection with her, s _hared_ and _exchanged_ affection with her.

"You wanted to forget me," he reminded her. He rested his face on the crook of her neck once more. "And you did for that month. You were really enamored with that man and he loved you."

She shut her eyes as he felt his tongue lick her neck. She let out a chuckle. Even though he changed and grew, the possessive trait in him remained. Rey didn't dare to speak of the man's name for she knew it would enrage her husband and draw him back to his wicked temper. "He didn't love me, Ben. I just went out on a few dates with him."

He sank his teeth and bit a section of flesh and sucked hard into it turned into a bruise. She let out a moan and he sucked even harder, wanting to mark her flesh into a permanent bruise. "He _loved_ you," Ben bit every word out. "I didn't even have to interrogate his mind. I knew by the way he looked at you. He smiled at you the way I wanted to but couldn't."

"I chose you," she reminded him. She tried to move but he had them still, allowing the pressure between them become unbearable. He was doing this she knew to remind her that she was his.

Against her sensibility, she picked Ben. For after he witnessed her kiss the man, several days later he ran back to her. He cornered her in the forest and instead of igniting a fight, he pressed her to a tree and stroked her face.

_"I'm not here to fight you," he declared._

_"That's funny because I'm here to fight you," she snapped back. She shook him away from her and drew out her lightsaber. She fought him but he didn't. Instead of acting in offense, he acted in defense and blocked every strike._

_And that was when she knew something was wrong._

_He wasn't trying to fight her._

_She searched his mind - he lets her._

_He eagerly lets her go in, shows her his deepest desires._

_Rey pulled away in horror and disgust. For those desires frightened her. She saw visions of him kissing her and whispering sweet things into her ear. She sees himself in those visions tending a couple children and waiting for him to return - his children. Those visions frightened her for they were gentle but they were unattainable. "You can never have me," she spat out. "I'm just scum to you. You may have touched but you'll never have my heart."_

_She kept fighting him and soon enough she provoked the animal in him to do fight back._

She had chose Ben regardless of all the cons. He was a monster, he betrayed his family, he had let himself become primitive and cold. The man she dated had no cons but she had chose to be with Ben. She picked him because she felt the love he harbored for her - this unwavering intense love. Back then, she was sick of herself for enjoying his attention but she couldn't help it. She was never loved before and his love was strong and possessive and passionate. And every encounter they had since the fight at the forest, he kept pressing his visions to her. Those visions were promises that he would change for her, better himself for her. Those promises were like poetry to her, like sonnets. She never wanted those feelings he had for her to go away and so ended her relationship with the man in order to be with Ben.

Even though the love with the man was pure, she found herself drawn to the monster in the mask. For the man was willing to change for her and that was when she learned that true love made people change for the better. True love was overpowering, all consuming. His love for her was real. He didn't just want her for his physical pleasure, he wanted her love. He wanted to be the one that got to kiss her and to be the only one. He wanted to be the only one that can make her smile like the sun she was. He wanted her heart.

"I love you," she stroked his hair. The pressure between her legs was becoming sharper but she was used to it.

"He would have been your husband."

"He didn't love me as much as you did."

"He would have if I allowed your relationship to grow. I took you away, snatched you before anything developed."

"I'm glad you did though." The man was perfect, like a character from a book but Ben he was real. Yes, he has a troubled past and has skeletons in his closet but Rey was able to see the good in him. The humanity. He understood her loneliness and she yearned to feel whole with him. He understood her pain and yearned for something permanent as well. He made her permanent and she loved it.

Her words calm him down. He moves to kiss her on her mouth, kisses her softly. He breathed into her, breath a satisfied sigh and then he nuzzled her before he satisfied the pressure by acting on it.

She wrapped her legs tighter as he held her.

He kept fucking into her, each thrust was harder than the other.

She moaned out for him, calling his name. "It feels good. Ah - it's been a while," she whispered to him. She sank her fingers into his back and held him tight for life. Her breasts were beginning to feel swollen and so she has him laying on her to sedate the pain. Her lower half was becoming numb as this giant was pounding into her.

"Yes it has," he moaned as well. He bit her shoulder, making another mark. "I'm going to fuck you until you can't move."

An hour later, he comes in to her. He hadn't done this in a while - he was releasing so much that she was overflowing. Her body twitched from the sensation of fresh hot liquid being emptied into her.

He pulled out and moaned.

She sat up and found that his dick was still hard. "You came a lot," she chuckled. She leaned and stroked his length but she was careful not to wipe away the come that coated his member. "And yet you're still want more."

He blushed as she stroked the visible veins on his cock. He was throbbing, aching to be submersed into warmth again. "Can I?" he asked permission to enter her sex again.

Rey looked down and shook her head. She cunt was spilling out his come and the cold air was making her feel very sensitive. Her folds were swollen and sore and she was exhausted. She can barely move, let alone allow him to fuck her again.

"I tell you what," she began. "I'll suck you off." She moved herself closer and placed his dick in between her breasts. She held her breasts down and began to work her way to pleasure him. His dick was slick, still covered in their come. It made is easier for her to slide up and down and that her breasts were bigger. It was much easier to have a hold on her breasts now that she had some meat into them. The come was fresh and it was warm on her skin, she liked the feeling as much as he did. His fingers were grabbing her hair, guiding her as he moaned.

She sped up her pace and he yanked her closer to his dick.

"I get the hint," she laughed. She dipped her head and opened her mouth, letting her tongue go out. Come was still trickling out of him in consistent streams. She licked it like it was an ice cream cone. Licked him slowly and greedily in wet streaks.

He moaned.

Fuck. She liked that sound. She liked him becoming weak from her, she liked the power she had over this man.

She decided to be a good wife and she sucked on his tip then and sucked him hard that she was making a sound. More come came out, but this time it was fresher and warmer than the remnants. She sucked harder and swirled her tongue around his tip -

He let her go.

Rey looked up. "What's wrong?"

"Rey, you're leaking again." She looked down at her breasts and saw liquid spilling out. She was so into being intimate with her husband that she didn't notice that her breasts were heavy and sore. She blushed out of embarrassment. She was so excited that she didn't notice.

"The word I was thinking was horny," he said with a smirk. Rey scrunched up her nose. He kissed her lightly and went to retrieve her breast pump and the rest of the supplies.

She groaned. She hated that damn pump. "I don't want to. That damn thing has been drying up my breasts." Ugh. She hated her damn breasts. Her breasts always leaked during inconvenient times. Ugh is going to be like for the next nine months? They'll be intimate and have to stop and pause until she pumped her breasts out? She didn't like that one bit. They were already like that with sleeping.

"Well you have to," he reminded her, using a tone as if he was scolding a child.

"No."

"Well what do you suppose you'll do then? You're full and you're flowing out."

The pain emerged then and she felt sore from the excess weight that her body was carrying. Her nipples were hard and stiff. The white liquid ran out like a dying stream, aching to run like a river down someone's mouth. And then a thought occurred to her. A thought that didn't occur to her before. "You can suck them for me."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) Please review and let me know if you have any suggestions/scenes you want to be played out.  
> Next update I'm aiming for next Saturday :D


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